Az emberek nem törődnek azzal, amit megszelídítettek. Leszarnak rókát, kisherceget, rózsát...
"Tessék, itt a titkom" - mondják - "ilyen egyszerű. Én most visszamegyek a bolygómra, te megszereled a repülőgépedet, és ha néha majd felnézel az égre, és látod a csillagokat, talán.. emlékezhetsz rám..."
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Az emberek csak próbálnak.. a lehető legjobban. Vannak a szívükben helyek, székek egy szobában, esetleg rekamier.. és mikor - kit beendegnek, néha zsúfolásig teletömik, olyankor már ablakot kell nyitni, hogy legyen levegő, és aztán szépen hazaküldik az embereket, sokszor nem is küldik, mennek ők maguktól, és üresen konganak a termek..
És az emberek néha tisztítgatják, ápolgatják ezt a helyet, és (ameddig nem teszik túl erőszakosan), sokáig maradhatnak, mások koldusok, és lopnak tőled, kárt tesznek bútoraidban, és persze vannak egyszerű ki - be járó vendégek.
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empty... no treasures. all particularity lost. earrings, bracalets, ring and so... they're just cheap stuff, replica of something casual offering for such a high price..
extraordinary... what does extraordinary means? Who is extraordinary? for whom? and who do people want to be extraordinary for? is it important why someone is told to be that, or it's enough to be the only one for someone for some reason - no matter what's it?
why is it so important? is everyone particular? how can a totally unimportant people become a whole world for an other one? does this totally unimportant people really exist? or do they have many tresures? should everyone apperciate it if they know that these tresures exist or...
what does make a person extraordinary? our fantasy? their outstanding skills on something like music, poems, sport, anything... their very good heart, bright humor, or maybe their extra-wounded soul? or they particular just because - in the end - they can love us, and it's enough for our happiness..?
who don't? really.. everyone is the same.. yes, they are different some way, but in the end - what could distinguish them from the others? some years that you had to spend with them? you start to know them, and this way they can become something more... something not - strange, something loveable, maybe. (or something worst sometimes...) it's a stuff like roses... that one rose, which is like all the others, still... it is so different. it's like the foxes. that one fox, like all the others, but he is the only one you ever met.
reasons for love... reasons for loose. reasons for quit or leaving for something else in quiet. reasons for escape. reasons for stay. reasons for sometimes visit, or sometiimes write some letter to talk about nothing.
you like to see your past again, and want to purchuse(?) it back the place it came from. want to talk with it again to have the desire to thow it away one more time, or maybe.. you just wanted to have a look at it, and it believed you will put it again on your desk.
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why? why to be adequate for people? why to make efforts all the time to sell them a something... a something which is you - yourself. like in the mark, you want to make them believe that it's the best, and how it's extraordinary, and you want to perchuade (?) them that it's the best choice. and then...
some of them hire you for shorter or longer time, for some trial-time (or how to say that...), and if you're not like what you were said to be, you're brought back to the mark, or if you are boring, people want to change you for some other boring stuff whuch they don't yet know, and so... they are looking for better and better, the better choice, they are enthisiastic, sometimes, but in the end.. they can accept or throw away what they bought...
people... what does they feel for each other? what does they feel, when they meet someone, when they talk to someone? how does they feel, when they have to do something in an appointment, in a party? what motivate them? why do they decide to say to each other: "I'll miss you" or "It's a pity you won't be here with us"? Do they really feel like this or just would they hear the same in similar situation? is it something ritual thing? or is it true. and if it is... what does it mean? in what mesure will you miss, in what mesure want you me? really... every person, almost every person can be replaced with an other one. people go, people come, people meet sometimes after leaving each other (and don't you think of love, it's just about friends or so...). So... are there important people for them? What does it mean for them, and what do thea feel, when someone is important for them? What? Do they feel anything at all? Or they are just full of feelings that they feel in similar situations, and they tell each other sometimes that they have feeling for them, 'cause some feeling are in connection with situations that are in connection with a people usually or temporarily? Do they really feel anything for each other? Or if they don't... why are they looking for each other? is it some need. (probably...) but... but... I don't know... How to love at all? And what should I do and feel in social situations? Who can tell? Is it normal? is it really normal? And all the other people feel the same (or don't feel), and they are lieing all the time? but they must have to enjoy that situations. that people. ok, right, it's a thing. so they don't love, they just enjoy that situations, or it's just natural to be in these situations (social kind of), looking for each other to belong to each other for some time, and it don't have to be a big friendship. But then: do the other one mean anything to me? Or if s/he doesn't... why should I tell them anything, why should i talk to them? Would it be some feed of social needs? It must be something like that... But then... Then... How could I know if someone love me or not? (As a friend, certainly..) And maybe they love me for something I don't want to be loved, 'cause I don't love that part of me, or they love me some way I don't want that particular person to love me, 'cause I want it less, or more (mainly more, but many times less, or I don't know. in this situations I should distinguish me and my proudity - maybe...) so.. and how could I know if they love me or they don't feel anything in connection with me, or they don't love me, when what they do isn't everytime shows what they feel, 'cause they express their feelings in other ways I do or I can detect, or their feelings for people may works some totally other way than mine. And maybe even they don't know what they feel, or if they feel anything at all towards me (or someone else). They just have feelings and thoughts that lead them different directions maybe in control of their will(?=akarat).
And they maybe have special feelings i don't even know or name (--> this way don't distinguish), 'cause maybe everyone have essentially different feelings from the others, or just some people are socially different being able to distinguish fewer category of people, maybe because "we" are more szélsőséges gondolkodású, and having less átmenet. Or it's just illusion. Sometimes I think people are more similar to me that I ever thought. They say it, ans i experience it, and it's intresting some way, but bad some other way, 'cause this way I'm less extraordinary, and the world is a sadder place I thought before, 'cause there is plenty of people who knows it, maybe many people. (and in the other hand... maybe I don't became smaller, just people I know know are older than those who I knew 3-4 years ago, and maybe that time I was deeper thinking than the others but for now I'm not just with smarter (maybe) people, but they "caught up with me", so they learnt what I has learnt before some years, but I don't grow now so fast than before, and maybe than they do now, or did for now. And it's the same what I feel in connection with him and him. (something about salt..?)
...or maybe I was never extraordinary, or not the way I imagined. Maybe I just don't talk enough with people, 'cause I couldn't, or I wasn't interested in them, I don't know, but I still need that illusion, even if I can't be sure, that I really was particular or not.
am I on my way on loosing something that made me different, interesting, and so, or I just don't look for newest people to find me new, or university students are too similar to me - but even those who admired me in the ancient times grew up, did they grow up or did I become smaller without noticing it? what did happened? why did his words loose their salt in my eyes? why did my words loose their salt in his eyes? did they ever had salt at all?
...and so much people, who dance away after tasting
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...and he.. how can he just walk through on something that was so similar in us? has he never felt that community? was I just a girl in the tousands? was it really something like that? nothing more?
what is the thing that people use to choose other people from the millions? is it by chance and choosing the most adequates?
why are they so particular, so extraordinary, and it doesn't even true really, it's just luck that I had the position to know them, luck to had the position to love and gain their patient and attention for some time... and maybe it's luck to loose..
they get to know me, and they grow, I always thought he is older than him, but it's not true, i think now... or i don't know what I believed, but I didn't even thought it through. now, i didn't have the objectivity for it. and didn't have the idea to compare them. No, he isn't the smartest, the cleverst man I ever met, now it's can't be true, he isn't
I just love him... or maybe... something... something I believed him to be one day
I don't know why, I don't know what's on in my consciousless(?) when I think / feel like this.
